Self-deception often reveals itself through recurring patterns rather than one-off mistakes. For example, a person may consistently frame themselves as the victim, treat feedback as an attack, or insist “I’m just being honest” while avoiding any accountability. Over time, these habits show that the person’s priority is emotional self-preservation, not clarity.
Once you notice these patterns, Bartlett’s advice becomes easier to apply. Instead of waiting for a breakthrough moment when they suddenly become straightforward, you recognize the structural issue: they cannot offer what they have not cultivated internally—an honest relationship with their own actions and their consequences. [...]
