How Uncommon Kindness Becomes Lasting Change
Choose kind action even when it is the uncommon path; such choices accumulate. — Desmond Tutu
—What lingers after this line?
One-minute reflection
What's one small action this suggests?
The Courage to Choose the Uncommon
Desmond Tutu’s line hinges on a quiet but demanding idea: kindness is not always the default setting of a room, a workplace, or a society. To choose a kind action when it is “uncommon” is to step out of the safer current of indifference, cynicism, or retaliation. In that sense, the quote isn’t sentimental; it is practical guidance for moments when kindness costs something—time, pride, social approval, or the thrill of being “right.” From there, Tutu invites us to see kindness not as a personality trait but as a decision made under pressure.
Kindness as Moral Agency, Not Mood
Building on that, Tutu frames kindness as an act of agency rather than a passing feeling. If kindness were only what we do when we feel warm or generous, it would be too fragile to matter in hard circumstances. Instead, he implies that ethical character is formed precisely when the heart is conflicted and the crowd is moving the other way. This resembles the moral stance expressed in Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics (c. 350 BC), where virtue is developed through repeated choices, especially when competing impulses pull us off course. In Tutu’s framing, the uncommon path is where character is actually built.
Why the Small Choice Matters
The second half—“such choices accumulate”—turns a single kind act into the first brick in a larger structure. One kind decision may look negligible, but repeated decisions create a pattern that others can anticipate, trust, and eventually imitate. Consider the everyday workplace scenario: one person refuses to gossip and instead speaks fairly about an absent colleague. It may feel like a minor deviation from the group’s tone, yet over weeks it can shift what feels “normal” in the team. In this way, accumulation isn’t just personal growth; it’s the slow construction of a culture.
The Social Contagion of Compassion
From culture, it’s a short step to community influence. Kindness has a social ripple effect: when someone breaks a cycle of harshness, it can interrupt what others assumed was inevitable. Research in social psychology often describes prosocial behavior as contagious; witnessing generosity can increase the likelihood of generosity in observers, creating reinforcing loops. Tutu’s insight fits this dynamic: the uncommon kind act stands out, precisely because it contrasts with prevailing norms. That contrast makes it memorable, and what is memorable becomes repeatable—first by the actor, then by the bystander who realizes another way is possible.
Kindness Without Naivety
Still, choosing kindness does not mean accepting harm or ignoring injustice. Tutu’s own public life during and after apartheid underscores that compassion can coexist with moral clarity. In No Future Without Forgiveness (1999), he argues for forgiveness and truth-telling not as denial, but as a path that resists dehumanization while still confronting wrongdoing. Seen this way, the “uncommon path” may include setting boundaries, naming harms, or pursuing accountability—yet doing so without cruelty. Kindness becomes a method of resistance: a refusal to let hatred set the terms of engagement.
Accumulation as a Life Strategy
Finally, the quote offers a strategy for living: focus less on grand moral performances and more on repeatable decisions. When kindness becomes a chosen habit—especially in difficult moments—it creates a cumulative identity: you become someone who can be relied upon to act with decency under pressure. Over time, those accumulated choices shape relationships, reputations, and even institutions. The uncommon act becomes common in you, and then, by steady example, it can become more common around you—exactly the kind of quiet, durable change Tutu spent a lifetime advocating.