Boundaries Let Love Include Everyone Involved
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously. — Prentis Hemphill
—What lingers after this line?
One-minute reflection
What's one small action this suggests?
Reframing Boundaries as Love
Prentis Hemphill’s line turns a common misconception on its head: boundaries are not the absence of care but a way to structure care so it can last. By calling boundaries a “distance,” Hemphill suggests something measurable and intentional—space that protects connection rather than ending it. From this perspective, love becomes more than a feeling; it becomes an arrangement that prevents either person from being erased. The point is not to keep someone out, but to create conditions where affection doesn’t require self-abandonment.
Simultaneous Care for You and Me
The phrase “love you and me simultaneously” highlights a quiet ethical claim: love that demands one-sided sacrifice isn’t love’s highest form. If caring for another consistently costs a person their safety, dignity, time, or mental health, then the relationship is asking for imbalance as proof of devotion. Building on that idea, boundaries become the mechanism that makes mutuality possible. They say, in effect, “I can be close to you without moving so close that I disappear,” which is often the difference between generosity and depletion.
Distance as a Practical Measurement
Calling boundaries a “distance” also conveys calibration. Just as standing too near a fire can burn you while standing too far leaves you cold, relationships require ongoing adjustment based on context, capacity, and trust. This makes boundaries dynamic rather than rigid rules. In real life, the “distance” might be about time (needing an evening alone), access (not sharing certain private information), or emotional load (not being available for crisis support every day). Each is a way of keeping closeness safe and sustainable.
Boundaries Prevent Resentment and Collapse
Once boundaries are understood as protective, their preventative power becomes clearer. Overextension often looks like kindness at first, but it can quietly convert into resentment, burnout, or emotional withdrawal. Hemphill’s framing implies that without the right distance, love gets distorted into obligation. A simple example is a friend who calls late at night to process anxiety. If you always answer while exhausted, you may eventually dread them. Setting a boundary—“I can talk tomorrow after work”—can preserve both the friendship and your wellbeing.
The Communication Skill Inside a Boundary
A boundary is not only a limit; it is a form of communication about what enables someone to stay present. That means it works best when stated clearly and paired with a truthful alternative: what you can do instead of what you can’t do. The goal is contact with integrity, not control. As the quote implies, boundaries become an act of relational honesty. They replace unspoken expectations with explicit agreements, allowing both people to respond to reality rather than guessing at hidden needs or silently enduring harm.
Healthy Love Requires Self-Respect
Ultimately, Hemphill connects love to self-respect: if love cannot include the self, it becomes a performance of caretaking rather than a relationship between equals. Boundaries ensure that love is not purchased with self-neglect, and they signal that both people’s humanity matters. Carrying the thought forward, the “distance” isn’t a wall—it’s a shared map. When both people honor it, intimacy tends to deepen, because closeness stops being a test of endurance and starts becoming a choice made freely and repeatedly.