Let Go of What You Can’t Control
If it’s out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too. — Ivan Nuru
—What lingers after this line?
One-minute reflection
Why might this line matter today, not tomorrow?
A Simple Rule for Inner Peace
Ivan Nuru’s line offers a blunt, compassionate rule: if something is beyond your control, continuing to mentally grip it only adds a second layer of suffering. In other words, the external limitation is unavoidable, but the internal rumination is optional. This distinction matters because the mind often treats “thinking about it” as a form of action. Yet when no meaningful action is available, thought becomes a treadmill—movement without progress—draining attention that could be used for what is still possible.
Control Versus Influence
To apply the quote wisely, it helps to separate what you control from what you merely influence. You may not control a hiring committee’s decision, a partner’s feelings, or a sudden policy change, but you can influence outcomes through preparation, communication, or timely choices. Once you’ve taken the reasonable steps within your influence, what remains truly “out of your hands” is precisely what deserves release. This transition—from effort to acceptance—prevents the mind from replaying scenarios as if additional worry could change the verdict.
Why the Mind Clings Anyway
Even when reason agrees, the mind often keeps holding on because uncertainty feels unsafe. Rumination can mimic problem-solving: the brain scans for threats, trying to predict and prevent pain. However, when there is no actionable solution, that scanning becomes chronic stress. A familiar example is waiting for medical test results. You can follow your doctor’s instructions and gather information, but you cannot force an outcome. At that point, mental freedom isn’t denial; it’s refusing to pay interest on a debt you don’t yet owe.
Ancient Wisdom: The Stoic Lens
Nuru’s advice aligns closely with Stoic philosophy. Epictetus’s Enchiridion (c. 125 AD) opens with a division: some things are up to us, and some are not. The Stoic move is not passive resignation but strategic focus—placing energy where choice exists and practicing equanimity where it doesn’t. Seen this way, “freedom from your mind” is a discipline. You are not asked to stop caring; you are asked to stop confusing care with control, and to protect your attention as a limited resource.
Letting Go Without Becoming Numb
A common fear is that releasing mental grip means becoming indifferent. Yet letting go can be paired with values: you can still act kindly, prepare responsibly, and mourn losses without mentally rehearsing worst-case stories. Acceptance simply prevents grief from turning into endless self-interrogation. This is the bridge from detachment to dignity: you acknowledge reality as it is, then decide who you will be inside it. That shift—identity over outcome—restores a sense of agency even when circumstances won’t cooperate.
Practical Ways to Release the Mental Grip
Start by naming the boundary: “This part is not mine to steer.” Then redirect to one small controllable next step—send the email, take the walk, write the plan—so the mind learns what effective action feels like. After that, set a containment habit such as a short “worry window,” limiting rumination to a specific time rather than letting it colonize the day. Finally, use a closing phrase that signals completion—something like, “I’ve done what I can for today.” Over time, this trains the mind to associate uncertainty with steadiness, making freedom not a lucky feeling but a repeatable practice.