It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself. — Eleanor Roosevelt
Reciprocity as the Measure of Fairness
At its core, Roosevelt’s dictum ties fairness to reciprocity: we forfeit moral authority when we impose obligations we would not shoulder. By aligning demands with personal willingness, we convert abstract ethics into accountable practice, narrowing the gap between rules and lived experience. This symmetry principle also dignifies others, acknowledging that their burdens are as real as our own. Little wonder, then, that enduring moral traditions echo this intuition.
Echoes Across Moral Philosophy
Accordingly, diverse traditions encode the same standard. Confucius’s Analects 12.2 counsels, “What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others,” while the Gospel of Matthew 7:12 frames the Golden Rule similarly. In a different register, Kant’s Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals (1785) demands we universalize our maxims; if we can’t rationally will others to act as we do, our demand is illegitimate. Across cultures, fairness begins with self-binding; yet principles persuade most when they are embodied, which brings us to leadership.
Leadership That Walks the Talk
From principle to practice, effective leadership is modeled, not mandated. Military doctrine praises those who “lead from the front,” and organizational research concurs: behavioral integrity—the alignment between words and deeds—predicts trust and performance (Simons, 2002). Likewise, ethical leadership shapes norms through visible example (Brown, Treviño, & Harrison, 2005). When leaders carry the same load they assign, compliance feels collaborative rather than coerced, creating the conditions for durable commitment.
Psychology of Credibility and Hypocrisy
Moreover, the psychology is straightforward. People imitate credible models (Bandura’s Social Learning Theory, 1977), and they bristle at double standards that trigger cognitive dissonance (Festinger, 1957). The “hypocrisy paradigm” shows that when individuals publicly advocate a standard but fail to follow it, the discomfort prompts corrective behavior (Stone et al., 1994). Conversely, when authorities demonstrate the behavior first, others internalize the norm with less resistance, because the request appears fair and attainable.
Eleanor Roosevelt’s Practiced Convictions
Historically, Roosevelt lived her own injunction. At a 1938 Birmingham meeting, she placed her chair between segregated seating sections, refusing to endorse the arrangement. The following year, she resigned from the Daughters of the American Revolution after it barred Marian Anderson from Constitution Hall, then helped arrange Anderson’s Lincoln Memorial concert (April 9, 1939). Later, as chair of the UN commission drafting the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948), she logged the arduous hours she urged others to invest, showing that credibility is earned in public view.
Contemporary Practice and Practical Habits
Finally, the standard applies wherever demands are made. Executives who accept pay cuts before layoffs, public officials who follow the rules they pass, and community organizers who canvass alongside volunteers embody the symmetry Roosevelt described. To operationalize it, adopt a quick self-test: Would I accept this request if assigned to me, at this cost and risk? If not, revise the ask, share the burden, or do it first. By closing the gap between expectation and action, we convert fairness from slogan to structure.