We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics. — Joyce Meyer
—What lingers after this line?
The Core Message of the Quote
At its heart, Joyce Meyer’s statement argues that relationships thrive not through fault-finding but through affirmation. Criticism may sometimes aim at correction, yet it often leaves people feeling diminished, defensive, or unseen. Encouragement, by contrast, strengthens trust because it communicates belief in another person’s worth and potential. From this starting point, the quote reframes improvement as an emotional process rather than merely a behavioral one. When people feel supported, they are more likely to listen, grow, and respond with openness. In that sense, encouragement does not ignore flaws; rather, it creates the relational safety needed for real change.
Why Criticism Often Backfires
Even when criticism is accurate, it can easily provoke resistance. Psychologist John Gottman’s marital research, summarized in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999), identifies harsh criticism as one of the most corrosive patterns in close relationships because it attacks character rather than addressing a specific problem. As a result, the listener often prepares a defense instead of considering the message. Consequently, repeated criticism can create a cycle of tension: one person points out failures, the other withdraws or retaliates, and both feel increasingly disconnected. What began as an attempt to improve the relationship ends up weakening it. Meyer’s quote therefore highlights a practical truth: negative evaluation rarely inspires the best in people.
The Power of Encouragement
By contrast, encouragement calls out strengths and possibilities. It says, in effect, “I see what is good in you, and I believe you can grow further.” This approach can be transformative because people often rise toward the expectations that loving voices place before them. A teacher who tells a struggling student, “You’re capable of more, and I know you can do this,” usually sparks far more effort than one who simply says, “You keep failing.” Moreover, encouragement deepens emotional intimacy. It nourishes confidence, gratitude, and goodwill, which then spill back into the relationship itself. In this way, affirmation is not mere politeness; it becomes a constructive force that helps both people feel valued and motivated.
A Shift in Daily Communication
Importantly, becoming an encourager is less about grand speeches than about everyday habits. Small phrases—“I appreciate you,” “That was thoughtful,” or “I know this is hard, but you’re handling it well”—gradually reshape the tone of a friendship, marriage, or workplace. Over time, these moments accumulate and create an atmosphere where people feel safer being honest and imperfect. This shift also changes how correction is given. Instead of leading with blame, an encourager starts with respect and then addresses the issue. For example, saying, “You bring so much to this team, and I think this one part could be stronger,” preserves dignity while still making room for accountability. Thus, encouragement and truth need not be opposites.
Literary and Moral Echoes
Meyer’s insight has deep moral and literary echoes. In the New Testament, Ephesians 4:29 urges believers to speak “only what is helpful for building others up,” a principle that closely mirrors her emphasis on encouragement. Likewise, Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936) advises giving sincere appreciation rather than direct condemnation, showing how enduring this social wisdom has been across contexts. Seen this way, the quote belongs to a long tradition that treats speech as a creative power. Words can erode another person’s spirit, or they can help build character and connection. Meyer’s phrasing is memorable because it captures this ethical choice in practical terms anyone can apply.
How Relationships Grow by Leaps and Bounds
Finally, the phrase “by leaps and bounds” suggests that encouragement does more than make relationships slightly better; it can accelerate growth dramatically. This happens because affirmation multiplies positive responses. Encouraged people are more likely to cooperate, forgive, communicate, and extend kindness in return, creating an upward spiral of mutual respect. Therefore, the quote offers both a challenge and a method. If we want stronger relationships, we should ask not merely whether our observations are correct, but whether our words help others flourish. In choosing to become encouragers instead of critics, we do not abandon honesty; rather, we make honesty fruitful by delivering it through hope.
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