#Experiential Living

Choose an Absorbing Life Over Self-Improvement

Oliver Burkeman’s line shifts the center of gravity from self-optimization to lived experience. “Better person” implies a scorecard—more disciplined, more productive, more admirable—while “absorbing life” implies immersion, attention, and stakes. The contrast matters because the first can keep you stuck in evaluation, whereas the second pulls you into participation. Seen this way, the quote isn’t anti-growth; it’s anti-sidelines. Instead of treating life as a perpetual training montage for a future you, it invites you to ask what actually engrosses you now—what makes hours disappear and gives your days texture beyond improvement metrics. [...]

Trade Self-Improvement Fixation for Lived Engagement

Oliver Burkeman’s line challenges the modern reflex to treat the self as a perpetual renovation project. Instead of asking how to become “better” in the abstract, he nudges us toward the more immediate question of how to live more fully—how to spend attention, time, and energy in ways that feel vivid and meaningful. This shift matters because “becoming a better person” can quietly turn into an endless postponement: life becomes preparation for life. By contrast, aiming for an absorbing life reframes growth as something that emerges while we’re engaged, not something we must complete before we’re allowed to begin. [...]

Trade Self-Improvement for a More Absorbing Life

Once self-improvement becomes the central task, it can start to crowd out the very experiences that make someone wiser, kinder, or more grounded. The paradox is that constant self-monitoring encourages a self-centered attention: you’re always asking how you’re doing, how you’re perceived, and what needs fixing next. Burkeman’s suggestion implies a shift from self-surveillance to outward engagement. In practice, absorption often makes people more tolerable, generous, and resilient—not because they chased virtue directly, but because they became less preoccupied with personal standing and more involved in real commitments and relationships. [...]