At this point, “unmannerly” looks less like a comment on etiquette and more like a tool of social control. Manners can be beautiful—small rituals of consideration—but they can also be weaponized to police who gets to speak, how loudly, and with what emotional tone. When “be polite” really means “don’t disrupt the hierarchy,” refusing that instruction becomes an act of political as well as personal significance.
This dynamic echoes broader feminist critiques of respectability, where acceptance is offered only if one remains palatable. Estés’ sentence pushes back: if the cost of being well-liked is being minimized, it may be time to become “unmannerly” on purpose. [...]
