Finally, the antidote is not simply leaving or staying—it’s restoring authorship over your self-definition. That often begins by comparing how you feel around different people: do you feel expanded or braced for impact? It can also help to document patterns, seek outside perspective, or work with a therapist—because a grounded mirror interrupts the distorted one.
Reclaiming your “flowers” means treating your strengths as facts, not debate topics. The right people may offer feedback, but they won’t require you to hate yourself to be loved. In that sense, Banks’ line becomes both warning and compass: if someone insists your best qualities are defects, the relationship isn’t revealing your weeds—it’s revealing their unwillingness to honor your growth. [...]
