#Self Improvement

Growing Better Requires Risking Looking Foolish

Epictetus’ line captures a blunt Stoic bargain: improvement costs comfort, and one of the first comforts to go is the need to look competent. If you insist on appearing polished at all times, you will avoid the beginner’s stage where real learning happens. In that sense, being “content” to seem foolish is not self-humiliation; it is a deliberate choice to prioritize growth over reputation. This premise fits Epictetus’ broader message in the Discourses (c. 108–135 CE), where he repeatedly separates what is truly ours—our judgments and choices—from what is not, including other people’s opinions. Once you treat reputation as an external, you can spend your energy on the only status that matters to Stoicism: becoming wiser and more virtuous. [...]

Choosing an Absorbing Life Over Self-Optimization

Once you prioritize absorption, you often end up committing to things that resist perfection: raising a child, learning an instrument, doing community work, building a business, writing, caregiving. These arenas reward persistence and presence, not a flawless self. Interestingly, they also tend to cultivate character indirectly—patience, courage, humility—because they confront you with reality. This is where the quote becomes almost paradoxical: you may become “better” precisely by stopping the attempt to optimize yourself directly. The goodness emerges as a byproduct of showing up for demanding, meaningful commitments rather than curating a perfected identity. [...]

Choose an Absorbing Life Over Self-Improvement

Oliver Burkeman’s line shifts the center of gravity from self-optimization to lived experience. “Better person” implies a scorecard—more disciplined, more productive, more admirable—while “absorbing life” implies immersion, attention, and stakes. The contrast matters because the first can keep you stuck in evaluation, whereas the second pulls you into participation. Seen this way, the quote isn’t anti-growth; it’s anti-sidelines. Instead of treating life as a perpetual training montage for a future you, it invites you to ask what actually engrosses you now—what makes hours disappear and gives your days texture beyond improvement metrics. [...]

Trade Self-Improvement Fixation for Lived Engagement

Oliver Burkeman’s line challenges the modern reflex to treat the self as a perpetual renovation project. Instead of asking how to become “better” in the abstract, he nudges us toward the more immediate question of how to live more fully—how to spend attention, time, and energy in ways that feel vivid and meaningful. This shift matters because “becoming a better person” can quietly turn into an endless postponement: life becomes preparation for life. By contrast, aiming for an absorbing life reframes growth as something that emerges while we’re engaged, not something we must complete before we’re allowed to begin. [...]

Choose an Absorbing Life Over Self-Improvement

Psychology offers a complementary lens through the concept of “flow,” where deep focus and challenge meet, producing a sense of energized absorption. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s *Flow* (1990) describes how well-being often arises not from self-analysis but from structured immersion in demanding, worthwhile activities. Burkeman’s advice aligns with this: absorption is an attentional stance that reduces rumination by redirecting consciousness into the task and its stakes. Importantly, the goal is not constant bliss but a richer contact with reality. As attention is reclaimed from internal judgment, a person may feel less “improved” on paper yet more awake, more anchored, and more capable of sustained commitment—qualities that resemble moral growth without requiring it as a project. [...]

From Self-Improvement to a More Absorbing Life

There’s also an ethical undercurrent: being “a good person” is often revealed through concrete acts, not private self-evaluation. Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics (c. 4th century BC) frames virtue as habituated practice—courage and generosity formed through doing, not merely through intending or analyzing. Burkeman’s line echoes that older tradition: character emerges as a byproduct of a lived life, not as the sole object of life. Consequently, leading an absorbing life can be a more reliable path to goodness than fixating on goodness. When you’re deeply engaged—showing up, helping, building, listening—you may become better without making “becoming better” your main project. [...]

Success Is Not the Destination, But the Journey of Becoming the Best Version of Yourself - Alex Turner

The quote underscores that success is not a single achievement but an ongoing effort. It’s about the determination and perseverance to continually strive for betterment. [...]