Ask yourself what you want to be, not what you want to have. — Rachel Naomi Remen
—What lingers after this line?
Distinguishing Being from Having
Rachel Naomi Remen’s quote prompts us to focus on what we wish to become, rather than what we wish to possess. This subtle distinction shifts our attention from external acquisitions—such as money, status, or material goods—to the cultivation of our character and purpose. The question ceases to be, 'What can I accumulate?' and instead becomes, 'Who can I grow into?' Such a redirection invites deeper, more lasting satisfaction.
Legacy and Fulfillment
Following this insight, it is notable that people often find fulfillment and meaning not in their possessions but in their character and contributions. Research on end-of-life reflections, such as those discussed in Bronnie Ware’s 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying' (2012), reveals that individuals rarely regret not owning more, but deeply value becoming compassionate or authentic individuals. This perspective encourages us to invest our energy in self-development rather than acquisition.
A Philosophical Perspective
Building on this, philosophers like Erich Fromm, in 'To Have or To Be?' (1976), argue that the ‘having’ mode of existence is inherently unfulfilling compared to 'being.' Fromm suggests that a society preoccupied with possessions cultivates insecurity and dissatisfaction, whereas focusing on qualities such as kindness, integrity, or curiosity leads to self-actualization. Such philosophical roots further validate Remen’s advice, suggesting that our true essence lies in our choices about who we are, not what we own.
Practical Application in Daily Life
Furthermore, acting on Remen’s advice can reshape daily decision-making. Instead of setting goals based on acquisition—like “I want a new car”—one might ask, “How can I become more generous, creative, or resilient?” This approach nudges us toward habits and actions that cultivate our ideal selves. For example, volunteering for a cause reflects a desire to be helpful, while practicing daily gratitude extols a wish to be appreciative, rather than to merely have more.
Sustained Growth and Lasting Happiness
Ultimately, pursuing 'being' over 'having' lays the foundation for sustained personal growth and long-term happiness. As our identity is shaped by our intentions and actions, the journey toward becoming aligns with a sense of evolving purpose. In this way, Remen’s guidance does not diminish the value of material comfort but invites us to seek fulfillment at a deeper, more enduring level—one rooted in who we strive to be, not just in what we own.
One-minute reflection
What's one small action this suggests?
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